Sunday, November 30, 2008

Objective Tinnitus?

I was in this very very small and quite room with no sound at all with this man Gito and he asked me, "This is weird. Do you hear a hissing sound around here?"

I was like, "WWWWW.... WHAAAAT???" I asked, "What do you mean hissing sound?!!!"

He said, "You know like 'hizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz', a very long one and without stopping. But I don't know where it comes from since we're in a very small, quite and closed room. Weird"

I asked him, "Do you suffer from tinnitus, Gito?"

"Tinnitus? What's that?"

I told him about the vexatious defect in my ears and he said, "No I don't have such thing? You mean this is coming from your ears? How?"

I don't know. The doctor told me I had subjective tinnitus which no one would hear a thing of the hissing sound but me. Objective tinnitus at the other hand can be detected by someone else. But the doctor has taken some tests to find out what kind of tinnitus I'm suffering and the test has given the result I have subjective tinnitus. And subjective tinnitus is very hard to cure, most of case is a permanent nuisance (I've talked to 10 people suffering from subjective tinnitus---no one is cured except one who said he went to Mecca praying to God to cure him and it did disappear, the hissing voice---but I'm too skeptic to believe him that's ridiculous), compared to objective tinnitus which in fact can be cured.

Does it mean I'm suffering from objective tinnitus? Which also mean I still have hope?
But why did the doctor say I had subjective tinnitus? Was he wrong???

Man, I think I should meet another doctor!

Arab and Indian

I wonder why many Arabs make fools out of Indians? (I'm talking about Arabs in middle east not in Indonesia). Okay they may act funny in the movie and bollywood movies are stupid, but I mean what's wrong with them as people?


There was this one time I uploaded a music video to YouTube, by a Lebanese singer Maya Hariri called "Mamin Jani", with mix of Arabic and Urdu language lyric (I thought it was Indian language but someone told me it was paki urdu) and it ended up to be long hostile threads of some Arabs mocking Indians and I feel very sorry about this one Indian lady who defended her people and they told her she was just arab wannabe and couldn't be arab because she was ugly and said that Indians are ugly and Arabs are beautiful, etc. That's really cruel!

I think Indian culture is exotic and they have many beautiful women themselves.

And I think beauty is somewhat relative, it's just a beholder's eyes. I once talked to an Indonesian woman and she said, "we are the most beautiful woman in the world, our eyes not too tight, but not too wide, our nose is not too big and not too small, our skin is not dark and is not pale, we're just the perfect form of somewhere in the middle, the most fit". And I once read an American woman blogger who wrote, "No other women can compare our white american steel skin!" complaining why America never won miss Universe. And many other women from other races and nationals talk the same. And all I can think is these women are just bunch of retards who never mingles with people from different background, locked in the dungeon of their own prison cell.


I mean, come on!



And back to India, I also want to write how I regret things which have taken place in Mumbai. Though my christian and hindu mates who know me don't think all muslim are terrorists, but I somehow still feel like guilty. I mean, I always tell people Islam is religion of peace which promotes virtues, love and mercy, but all they see today is the otherwise. This is embarrassing.

Friday, November 28, 2008

This represents my heart



Happy Birthday to you!





Wednesday, November 26, 2008

It's not about planting trees!

She:"Hey we're going to plant some trees along the street. We have to take part in stopping the global warming. Come, you are invited"
Me: "okay I promise. thanx".

And yes she has 20 pair of unused shoes, 30 unused purses and I don't know how many number of fancy unused clothes, and she drives her car just for 400 m travel to her friend's house.

20 pair of shoes, 30 purses, 100 clothes = lots of trees cut, gallons of fossil fuel consumed for their production.
- The higher the demand the higher the environment threat will be.

1 gallon of gasoline = 1500 kg of carbohydrate.
Energy required to travel 400 m = 0.5 kg carbohydrate.
Gasoline needed to travel 400 m = 1/4 gallon .
1/4 gallon of gasoline = just count it yourself.

What a waste! She planted one tree and her laziness produces CO2 for 3 trees.

She had planted one tree and cut off many.

So God said in the Quran that He had created earth and heaven for the sake of all men, and he also said in the bible if He feeds birds so God to you men. So God promised there should be food for everyone.

But all I see is people dying for food, people killing each other for land and other natural resources (China vs Tibet, Russia vs Georgia, USA vs Iraq, Israel vs Palestine) , large group people in the world living below poverty line, etc. There isn't enough food for everyone! Had God lied?

Since 1980 human population has doubled from 2 billion to 4. Yes that's large. But guess, total food production has grown 4 times! It doesn't sound like the way Malthus told us about how population and food production grows, in fact it is the opposite! But why in the heck of world Malthus disaster is still happening? Hungers, wars, natural catastrophe, plague, etc to reduce human population to match natural resource availability?

Normally all human population requires only 2% of total solar energy that comes onto earth. It's smaller than any other species. But along the history, human population has used up to 70% of total solar energy. Lots larger than any other species.

The ancient meteor that came to earth thousands of years ago required 10 000 years to diminish 1200 species to extinction. But from 1900 to 2000, more than 5 000 species has extinct. Not by meteor. But by us. And we require only less than a hundred of years to do that.

Yep, the issue of climate change, global warming, wars and killing, hungers, epidemic disease, poverty, natural catastrophe, biological diversity threat, pollution, environmental damages, etc they are all actually in the same package. The one whole same issue. And they all are caused by just one same thing.

GREED.

OUR GREED.

No, God hadn't lied. Yes there are enough food for everyone. It's just that we're so greed. We're buying things we don;t need while they are hunger people out there, and we eat, drink, own more than we require, we always want more and more and more, consuming, sucking, squeezing the nature to produce stuffs we're so greed about. We killed not just our own species, but also other species, we eat a big whole bunch of meat just to satisfy our greed, generating poverty, hungers, wars, and get rid off the habitat of other species just to make place for our food and stuffs we're so greed about.

And she invited me to plant just one tree. Along the street. To stop global warming she said.
And she has 20 pair of unused shoes, 30 unused purses and I don't know how many number of fancy unused clothes, and she drives her car just for 400 m travel to her friend's house.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Cranky

I've been so crabby this past few days, I yelled and snapped to people around me.
I've been impatient and aroused easily. And when I snap people I use words that no other people in this world has ever used before, killing sentences that stab people to their deepest shock ever. With my cold dark chill expression that makes people fear me.

When I got calmed I felt sorry for what I had done for words that came out. And that made things worst.

But now I learn I shouldn't feel sorry. Sometimes it does have to, there are people deserve anger. It gave them lesson. Like in the bible when Jesus taught one of his disciples and then slapped him on his face and told him, "That's for you to remember".

And Like Armand said in 'Interview with the vampire', "... the first lesson. to be powerful and beautiful. And without regret...".

I'm without regret.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Soooo Hungry




You Are a Black and White Cookie



You're often conflicted in life, and you feel pulled in two opposite directions.

When you're good, you're sweet as sugar. And when you're bad, you're wicked!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Little Girl Who Was Forgotten

It's "The Little Girl Who Was Forgotten by Everyone (Even the postman)".
This video really truly depresses me.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Numbness Sleep and My Yahoo! Email

Last night during my sleep I was in a sudden awake and I couldn't move any part of my body except my eyes. I was awake but my whole body was numb, I could even hardly move my fingers. It felt like my body was absorbed into my bed, but I tried to stay conscious. It was frightening, you are awake but your body is sleeping!

After some times, I heard some noises, I heard baby crying, someone talking on the radio station, somebody was walking around my room it was crowded. A crowded hallucination.

So I prayed to God "help me God I don't wanna die today". And I started to move my fingers and after some efforts I made it to move all of my body. I stood up and woke up.
It was frightening.

My Yahoo! Email

And somebody is using my yahoo email address to advertise some sex tools. He sent one of the advertisements to my email that's how I found out. Now I'm changing my password. But I don't know if he could retrieve it and I don't know how long he's been using my email.

Me selling sex toys. That sucks.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Indonesia for Obama

I'm not into Obama, but since people around me celebrate him, well okay then. I'm flexible.



And noissy americans and canadians are in here!!!
We're going celebrating at Bellagio.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Jay Guru Deva



Mark: So the creation is sustained by prayer?
Swami: It is sustained by divine will. It is sustained by divine will and the divine order; the cosmic order. The cosmic order…In the beginning five basic things were created…
Mark: The relation with us? We are praying…?
Swami: Because we are in error.
Mark: Mm.
Swami: Ignorance means. It is not a…it is not a.. You don’t…If you say someone is ignorant, you are not accusing him. You are not blaming him. You are not scolding him. You are saying that he does not … that you do not know your essence. “Hey you ignorant fool!” If a monk; if a saint out of compassion says to a normal person “Hey you ignorant fools. Foolish children.” They should not get angry. “Hey there I am a big man. I am a big officer. I am so wealthy. This fool; he looks like a fool and he calls me a fool; he should be punished.” The way our foolish kings used to punish saints and they used to bear the consequences later. Ignorance means not knowing your true nature;
Mark: Mm.
Swami: Not knowing the true nature of your self. Who are you in essence? You are alive. You say this is your body. You are not the body. This body is changing all the time. It was in the mother’s womb for nine months and then the boy is born and the body is grown and it grows up. It becomes old. So where is the essence?
Mark: Mm.
Swami: You are not the body. The body is not the essence. You are the speck of consciousness, the speck of the infinite light that shines in the heart.
Mark: Mm.
Swami: You are that piece. You are that fragrance of the infinite light. That is God! So you are but that. But then you think that you are…you are different from the other boy. An Australian is different from an American?
Mark: No, he is not. (laughs)
Swami: He is not?
Mark: No, he is not.
Swami: No he is not! (laughs) The essence is one. The essence is one. The essence is one and to realize that; to realize your true nature as the essence of all, you have to pray. You have to practise. You have to do penance. You have to seek the Vedic gods who are given by the grace of the infinite; by the grace of the infinite Vedas as; it is called; you can say they are like schemes. They are like schemes. The government forms so many schemes for the welfare of so may sections of society.
Mark: Mm.
Swami: This scheme is for the handicapped. This scheme is for the blind. This scheme is for the downtrodden. This scheme is for the tribal people.
Mark: Mm.
Swami: This scheme is for orphaned children. So many schemes are laid. All for the good of them. The government which looks to the welfare of all; it forms specific schemes that they may live happily;
Mark: Mm.
Swami: That their livelihood will be taken care of. So God too; the formless infinite has formed several schemes.
Mark: Mm.
Swami: Ok you worship this god. Your nature will suit this Lord Shiva. Your personal nature; you are too pure; your nature will suit this Lord Vishnu.
Mark: Mm.
Swami: Ok you form this divine mother. You are attuned. You like your mother very much. So nature is about mother; the divine mother. But you you want to see a God every day in the form. So that Lord Surya; the sun god is there. Without him there is no life. He too is my own form. Lord Surya the Sun God is there. You worship him and you will attain the higher truth, the highest truth. So god has formulated all these schemes. So these are the schemes of the infinite to get back to your true nature as the infinite. So that is why you have to pray. You have to meditate on these froms. If those forms are pleased the same inner essence that is there within your heart; that too will get pleased.
Mark: Mm.
Swami: The method of pleasing the inner one is to please the outer ones.
Mark: Mm.
Swami: The formed ones.
Mark: Yesterday I came here and I got lost.
Swami: Ah.